Humor and Sarcasm

Hammerforum.com

Published March 30, 2012

With the recent camera releases (or maybe Spring fever) I’ve been rather amazed watching various photography forums have major melt downs during the last few weeks. I said something about cameras and lenses just being tools, not life and death, and got immediately annihilated. They aren’t just tools, I was told, they are the means to make a living for some people, and the passionate hobby of others. That got me thinking, though: I have friends who make their living as carpenters, and others for whom woodworking is a passionate hobby. I got to thinking how silly their forums would seem if they acted like we do:

So, here’s a thread from Hammeruser.com

 

 

Thread Title: Nails for Stiletto TB15?

Hammeruser: I’ve saved up for months and just got my Stiletto TB15SS titanium hammer. At $220 they’re pricey but with the replaceable stainless steel face, ultra light weight handle, and excellent balance I can see myself using this for many years. I’ve had it 3 days now and it’s just wonderful. Does anyone have any suggestions for a good framing nail to use with this hammer?

Hammergeek: You say it’s wonderful but I don’t see any photos of nails you’ve driven. I think it’s just overpriced crap.

Hammerfiend: You know, Ken Rockbuster said the Stiletto is really overpriced and he wouldn’t have one. For $14 you can get a Tekton rubber mallet set. It’s not any good for driving nails, but it is great for body work on your car. That’s what Ken recommends.

MC: If you really were a professional, you’d be using a Graintex SH 1660 sledgehammer. It’s got a 36 inch handle and 20 lb head and can tear through walls in a heartbeat. Your Stiletto can’t touch this.

Hammeruser: I do framing work and carpentry, so tearing through walls really doesn’t apply to my work.

M.C.: That’s because you have absolutely no skills. A good hammer user can drive nails with a 20 pound sledghammer with no problem. You’re one of those rich doctors, aren’t you, that thinks upgrading your hammer is going to make you a better carpenter?

Hammeruser: Here’s a picture of some framing I did with the hammer yesterday in about 2 hours. I really think it’s going to make me more productive.

Hammertime: I blew up those pictures 200%, ran them through Photoshop and measured the arctan radius of the depth of the nailheads. It’s obvious that you were torquing the hammer from right to left when using it, which makes all of the framing you did inconsequenctial and of no use to anyone. A better hammer doesn’t make up for poor technique.

Banger: A real carpenter could have done that with rusty wire and a rock. It’s not about the equipment, it’s about the carpenter.

Hammerangel2: User, don’t pay any attention to M.C., he’s an absolute Graintex fanboy and has lost all perspective.

M.C.: How would you know what I am? I’ve made hundreds of dollars every year with my Graintex tearing down walls, which makes me a full-time professional. You amateurs make me sick.

Newhammerer: I’ve got an order in for mine through Amazon, but I’m concerned about getting a bad copy. How do I test the hammer when I first get it to make sure I have a good copy?

Thor: You guys are all wrong. I do all my work with an SE 11” rock pick. M. C., haven’t you watched Shawshank Redemtion? That guy hammered through a prison with an SE 11. Sure it took a few years, but anything you really love doing you’ll be doing for years. Just because something is newer, doesn’t make it better.

Hammeruser: Could anyone make some suggestions about good nails?

WhammerHammer: Why don’t you read the manual, do a Google search, and stop wasting our time with inane questions? Besides which, if you were a really good hammerer it wouldn’t matter what type of nails you used.

Whacker: H2O just released their latest Impact Index and the Stilleto rated 92.745, the highest impact per oblique force applied they’ve measured (except for jackhammers).

BigBanger: I don’t trust anything H20 measures, they’re numbers are all crap and don’t reflect real-world hammering. Besides, they down score everything to be equivalent to a 6 ounce jewelers hammer, which makes no sense. I prefer a ‘hand’s on’ review. Maxwell’s reviews over at SilverHammer.com really let you know how a hammer does in the real world.

Nailguru2: Hammeruser, while others will stick with the mainstream manufacturers, I’d take a real hard look at Grip Rite galvanized zinc coated sinkers. They’re a classic design, the sharpest nails made, and have amazing microcontact. Plus they’re hand assembled in Germany, not mass-produced in Taiwan.

Hammergeek: All I can say is after reading this thread I’ve cancelled my order for the Stilletto TB15. I’ll wait until the price drops. In the meantime I’m thinking about buying a used TB10 on the Buy and Sell forum.

Banger: Why don’t you rent one for a few days and see how you like it? Hammerrentals.com has them for $29 for 4 days. You could build a nice shed in that amount of time and really get a feel for how it works for you.

WhammerHammer: I agree with Hammergeek. The price is insane. I’ve started a petition to boycott Stilletto until they make their prices more reasonable. They think just because there’s a 4 month waiting list for their new hammers they can charge whatever they want. They’d sell twice as many if they just charged $25.

Euronailer: You guys think you’ve got it bad? Over here the Stilleto is 300 Euros and we’ve got 17% VAT. You guys in the U. S. need to stop complaining. I may fly over to the U. S. and pick one up, the money I save would pay for 1/162 of my air fare.

Justgotmine. I just finished using my brand new Stilleto. Here’s some shots of nails I’ve driven. Do you guys think I have a good copy of the hammer? The nails seem a little crooked to me, but that might just be technique.

Hammerguru: Justgotmine – looking at your images those are pretty long nails. Were you using good technique with a nail stabilizer? It also seems the hammer wasn’t lined up square to the target. It’s impossible for us to help you if you don’t eliminate all the other variables. It could be the hammer, could be the nails, could be technique.

Nailed’em: Nailguru, you’re always over here spouting about ‘microcontact’ and the way the nails ‘render’. That’s all BS put out by you Grip Right elitists. I can get 4 boxes of Smegma nails for what just one box of Grip Right costs and they work just fine.

Banger: I had to try 4 boxes of Smegma nails to get just one that was sharp.

Nailguru2: I’m not a Smegma fan by any means, but if you get soft nails you can send them back to the factory to be resharpened under warranty. I had them resharpen a box of mine and they were incredible!

Nailer: Did you guys see that Hammerrumors.com says that Big Blu hammers is coming out with an X-2 in time for Hammerkina? It’s going to have a synthetic rubber grip, fiberglass shock absorbing, and a semi-square rocker face. I’m holding off any new purchases till I see some nails driven with that baby.

Roger: In this case, it truly is the user, not the hammer: Hammertime

</Satire off>

Author’s note: This little post got a lot more attention than I had expected. The most interesting thing to me is that it’s now been reposted to forums involving gun collecting, coffee tasting, audiophiles, automobiles, computer programming, videography, racing bicycles, and (I should have known)  various tools. All of whom identified with it. So I guess I learned today that it isn’t just photographers who act like we act. Apparently it’s people.

And from the “OMG are we sick or what?” department, Amazon is now nearly sold out of Stilletto TB15SS. Seriously. You guys just had to try it out, didn’t you? 🙂

Finally, don’t stop reading here. The reader’s comments are much funnier than the blog post. As always, I thank everyone who took the time to post comments. Once again the reader’s comments are better than the author’s blog.

 

PS – for the several people who suggested nail guns should be included in the discussion, that wouldn’t work because . . . .

. . . . wait for it . . .

this forum doesn’t discuss point and shoots.

Author: Roger Cicala

I’m Roger and I am the founder of Lensrentals.com. Hailed as one of the optic nerds here, I enjoy shooting collimated light through 30X microscope objectives in my spare time. When I do take real pictures I like using something different: a Medium format, or Pentax K1, or a Sony RX1R.

Posted in Humor and Sarcasm
  • Dead Commie

    I have a hammer that my dad took off of a Chinese general in ‘Nam. It says “Stanley 16oz.” The handle is cracked and the head is pretty rusty, but I would say it was in 95% condition over all. Can you tell me what it is worth?

  • Getting Pounded

    Since the recent IPO of Stiletto.com I have been watching NASDAQ and am wondering will the price continue to rise? I am a first time investor and am worried that putting all my savings in the company might not have been the best move. With all the recent sales of the Stiletto TB15SS titanium hammers I would have thought the stock would skyrocket and I could afford to buy all the CF(Carbon Fiber) look wood I need and the left handed Model LS for hammering stainless wolf sinkers to build my retirement home even though I’m only 18. But the stock keeps dropping! Are the shorts putting the squeeze on the market? Does anyone have any thoughts on what is causing this? I am a bit pissed because this is the first seriously speculative investment I have made and Stiletto is angering me and now I am thinking that I will never buy another hammer again! The CEO sucks! The stock market sucks, The whole world sucks!

  • It’s really pathetic how some people think that buying a $200 hammer with their retirement money will turn them into carpenters, these are the same people who will happily claim: “I’ve always had an eye for hammering.” Anyone who takes one look at your ‘work’ can see you’re just a GWH (Guy with Hammer) who doesn’t care about carpentry and is actually just using his hammer as an excuse to get close to undressed wood. I miss the days when we had to do our hammering with 10 pound chunks of granite and apprentice in the dark cave of a Master Hammerer for years before we could claim to be photographers. Modern hammerers have no respect for the craft of carpentry.

  • CheapHammer

    You guys are spending WAY too much for your hammers. I buy perfectly good used hammers at garage sales just about every weekend. They may not be all “high-speed, low-drag” like your Stiletto hammers, but I didn’t pay $200+ for them either.

    I can usually find good used hammers for about 15 cents per pound.

  • Quit being a hammer hog and let me rent it and no I don’t want to buy a slightly used one. I just need it for 2 days.

  • Flat Finger

    Pfff… NOOBS….

    not one of you have a UNDERWATER housing,
    so dont even TRY to keep up with the pro’s 😛

  • Mathew Dennison

    My Nitton Coolhit has 12MP. It has an extendable nail upto 12x the initail size. I am not a pro like you guys. I am a casual hammerer who just likes to point and hit.

  • Mathew

    Bastards!

  • DB

    The OP failed to mention that the “E” model is scheduled for release later this year. It will have a leather wrapped handle similar to the one that Pete Sampras used in his last Grand Slam Tournament victory. The manufacturer claims that speeds are increased by 25% do to the ridges running concentrically around the handle. Both a left-handed and right-handed model will be available, but the left handed version will not be available until Spring of 2013. Handle sizes will come in 4 1/4″ through 4 7/8″. Rumors leaked from those who violated their NDAs suggest that this may be the best hammer ever made; allowing the user to spend more time with the family and less time actually on the job.

    These “E” models will be available on line through Amazon, Ace Hardware, and Vinny’s in New Jersey.

  • Pecker Mark

    I’m waiting on the certified left handed model, I have put in a request but have heard no reply as of yet..
    Also there are no markings or instruction manuals , I’m tired of helpers that borrow my hammer asking ” Hey which way is up?? ”
    These also really need to come with a detailed instruction manual
    I still don’t know if I need to change heads for hot dipped 16D opposed to 16 brights.
    Just sayin’…

  • Hi there, I’m more into screwing than hammering, I use a great big Stanley Fat Max screwdriver for my work.

    I’m hearing that if I turn my screwdriver round the other way I can actually hammer in nails using the screwdriver handle. Now I know this isn’t EXACTLY what my screwdriver was designed to do but hey, it gets the nails in, right? Screws and nails are obviously different but still kinda the same principle – they hold two separate things together, right? – and seeing as I’m an expert screwer I should fairly easily be able to transfer my skills over to hammering. How hard can it be?

    So are there any places I can just get hammering work? Only being new to it and because my screwdriver was only a fraction of the price of your hammer, I can totally do it for only $100 a day, I won’t be charging the same rates as you guys who have been hammering for YEARS, obviously, even if I can just about promise nearly the same results. Like I say, I’ve got all gear that will do the job so I guess I can just get whatever work that you hammerer guys could get, right?

    Cannot WAIT for the next generation of Fat Max’s though – fatmaxrumours.com says they’re going to be fully integrating a proper hammer head into to the handle of the screwdriver. I’d be so so disappointed if they didn’t. Someone said they might be releasing their own line of hammers what you can ONLY hammer with, which will cost the same as these other hammers that you mention – that would be such a dumb idea and totally lose them sales, don’t you think? I mean, here I am about to get up what will be a successful hammering business using my trust screwdriver, I’ll want to upgrade to a hammer EVENTUALLY but I won’t be wanting to pay the proper price for the hammer because I’ve built my business around this low cost screwdriver. Come on, Stanley, get it right, huh?

  • benneh

    Andrew, those Grip Rite sinkers you foolishly discarded were meant for the *other* side of the wall.

  • Toctoc

    Who will attend at NAH 2012 at Las Vegas?

  • Vandit Kalia

    Oh please. Only noobs argue about hammer and nails.

    To really get the perfect stroke, you need the best support. Relying on on-hammer stabilization isn’t good enough – you need proper gloves for holding the hammer and getting the best stability.

  • Andrew

    After reading the above I raced out to buy a case of the Grip Rite galvanized zinc coated sinkers.

    Be careful, over half of each box had the head of the sinker on the wrong side. I ended up throwing away far too many to finish building my glassroom addition. I noticed in the picture above that the head was on the left side yet mine were mixed. I’m really upset with this product and calling the manufacturer first thing in the morning.

    I think this taints the review of the Stiletto TB15SS as well. I can only wonder what side the pounding mechanism is on?

  • S.horton

    You are lucky that the hammer fairy did not change all of the usernames and titles here. Yet.

  • Hammering Hank

    The best hammer is the one you have with you. What good is the Stiletto back home in your tool belt when you unexpectedly come upon the opportunity to drive nails into mahogany? I always have my iPlane with me and despite the criticism of its low weight and small striking face I have sunk some wonderful nails with it. Had I restricted my hammering to my framing hammer I would have missed many opportunities to join exotic woods. Those of you who look down on the ability of the iPlane to drive nails are missing once in a lifetime opportunities for spontaneous joinery. Remember it is not the tool but hammerer who creates beautiful frames.

  • Flat Finger

    Becarefull Ifihadahanner!!!
    Buying a used one will most propably bring you in some kind of troble.

    As example: if… the wood was broken, they sometimes replace it by a cheap soft-rubber version.

    Now, when you raise it, the top will swing around left/right, and will most time NOT go in the direction you wanted it.
    You can ask your grandpa about such a kind of a problem.
    I dont think you are waiting for such a problem?? wont you ?

  • Toolbox

    Ok, it seems like I may be finally closer to a hammer decision after spending much time finally deciding between outright purchase, renting, and borrowing (yeah right, like which of us has the sort of friends that would actually loan us their hammer!?)

    In any case, my question, or rather two – what toolbelt, and how do I explain my hammer purchase to my wife ?

  • Ifihadahammer…

    I’m a complete noob, but want to get into a hobby that will stay with me for a lifetime. Therefore, I need some advice. I need a starter kit (hammer and nails), but am on a tight budget of just £300. I’m wondering if it would be wiser to get in with a new entry level set-up, or would I be better off looking at buying a used mid-range model. I see in the classifieds that there is a “lightly used” Stiletto TB15 for sale (hammer only). After doing a bit of research on this model, I’ve discovered that it is 36 MP (metal pins) hammered per minute. Would this be overkill on a newcomer like me? The seller doesn’t mention how many strikes the hammer has had, but I’m assuming that it’s good for at least 250,000 or so over its lifetime. Would this be correct? Is there anything that I should look out for when buying used? I have read that neglected/badly stored hammers could have fungus growth on the handles or even the dreaded dust spots on the shaft!!! I definitely don’t want one of those! Anyway, sorry for the long post, but I would appreciate any help.

  • bumflux

    I can’t wait for your review of tool belts!

  • I just went out and bought a new hammer even though I have never used one before. Now I am going to quit my day job and be a professional carpenter in the next 30 days.

  • Nathan

    You guys are wasting valuable time with all this spec talk. Just grab whatever you have and get out there and hammer!

  • Carl C

    it’s eery because it sounds so true! 😉 I think mankind have always been like this. If anyone read Kurt Vonnegut’s old novel “Player Piano” the ending is a bit like this (after man has destroyed the machines, man starts fixing them up and arguing about how to do it etc).

  • Anita Bower

    Wonderful satire! Had me laughing in public.

  • gadgetgal488

    I only hammer nails at home as a hobby. I use a stilleto heel! it works just fine and when I’m done I can wear them for a night on the town.

  • dok

    jeez! you nailed it ! btw, love the pop culture references 🙂

  • Powerkey

    Just got one of those cheap Helga hammers from Amazon for $3. I LOVE this thing. It bends the nails in such interesting ways. Sometimes it gouges the wood and once, I even saw sparks! It was way kewl!

    All my friends think the framing is great. I think I’m gonna open my own shop and make a boatload a cash!

  • so this is what we sound like to non-photographers…

    I didn’t realize I knew so little about nails and hammers… with all the information I know about camera gear, I could be building a shed instead

  • Flintknapper

    This is all sheer sillyness. If you’ll remember, Hansel Adams once said:

    “Knowing everything about hammering that I know today, I could have hammered all of my nails with a rock picked randomly from a stream”.

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